deadlines

Ah the joy of a deadline....

Now don't get me wrong. I live to be a writer.  It's what I want, what I've always wanted (whether I knew it or not), and what I aspire to keep doing.  It's who I am.
But let's not confuse the positives and the negatives of the job.  And the negatives are, most definitely, deadlines.

For you see, I am not one of those creatures who handles pressure well.  I know, I know who does, right?  Well there are those who do. That thrive on it.  I shrink. I get the job done, yet. But I have a lot of anxiety,  do you?  I never realized how bad it was.  I get myself into a tizzy really. 

In college, while everyone around me was freaking out, stressing and studying their asses off, I was not.  I kept repeating my mantra:  "stress is counterproductive."   I had it figured out then. I also drank and smoked pot quite a bit which helped deflect the whole responsibility issue.  But I had the right idea in there somewhere.  Stressing out will only go against everything.  I need to practice that now. (Sans the alcohol and pot of course!)

Anyhoo, thanks for stopping by.  I'm going to relax and get busy on my outline and summary for DinerGirl.  Deadline is looming.  I'm gonna breathe.  Maybe now is a good time for yoga again!

 

Editors, Criticism and Growth

 
This morning, after re-reading a lost chapter from my book's rough draft, I cringed.  I had turned it in to my writers group last night and this morning had that "morning after guilt."  I had haphazardly chosen this sample to pass out and couldn't believe how well... bad it was for lack of a better term.  True to my procrastination defect of character, I waited until 1 hour before the meeting, printed the chapter from an old rough draft and barely re-read it before printing ten copies.  This morning, when  I sat down to my emails, there it was on my monitor.  This simple, repetitive sample of work that displayed every bad habit I have.  What must my writers think of my abilities (or lack thereof)?  I was mortified.

You see, I'd written it four years ago (tisk tisk...I should've turned in a new article) and although my style is admittedly straightforward, I kept repeating the same words over and over.  It's something I can be guilty of.  Although I'd like to think I've grown as a writer since the first rough draft of my book, who knows the true measure.  Please tell me I have.  It's funny because all of this self doubt is coming one week after my first national review. I was chosen as one of thirty something self-published books to be reviewed by Publishers Weekly. And it was a great review!  So what is my problem?? http://www.publishersweekly.com/978-1-4520-6851-0

Why am I beating myself up for something that I wrote four years ago that wasn't so fantastic?
Is it this masochistic, perfectionistic nature that is eating me up today?  How can I shake this negative inner critic?  (I wish I could put it on a one-way plane ride to Tahiti.  Or, better yet, the North Pole.)  Still, I have to learn to live with this inner critic and tell it to take a hike when it's driving me nuts. Like today.
  
After last night's writers meeting, and upon this morning's reflection, one thing is abundantly clear:   we need our editors.  Of course by that I mean someone other than ourselves. I can edit the heck out of an article eight times, but someone else will give me the perspective and ability to make it a better one.  We need to be able to, and open to, accepting criticism.  It makes us better writers when we do.  Every article I write, every chapter and even the occasional long, important email gets run past my editor.  (Unfortunately for you, not this blog! haha) 

As I write this to you, Simon's (we have a "Simon Cowell" named Bob in our writing group) advice is echoing in my mind: "get rid of every form of the verb 'to be' in your story."  I crutch on the easy words and a lot of learning, practicing and catching up to do.  Some people have been writing, professionally or otherwise, all their lives. Not me.  My past is filled with hiatuses here and there.  A long time poetry and journal writer, I am consistently inconsistent.  The story writing, book writing and even article writing are new to me.  So I realize I'm a little behind here...

Perhaps I'm ahead of the curve in one respect. Being so new to this industry makes me extremely open to taking criticism.  I absolutely take my editors' suggestions.  And, I believe that's what makes a good writer.  Or, shall I say I believe that's what makes us better writers.  You can argue with me all you want.  Sure, we've all been told by someone we have raw talent.  Everyone has their story of teachers, friends, reviews, etc.  But if you think you never need editing or feedback, I'm here to say: your writing will suffer for it. 


To goal is, and always will be, to keep growing.  When we listen to our editors, we make better writers.  It's that simple. 

I for one, would be lost without them.  

Twitter, Times and all that

When Is the Best Time To Post on Twitter? - GalleyCat

I ran across this article on GalleyCat and got a twinge of guilt. First,I am the worst twitterer. I can't get excited about my boring short ramblings. I guess I like a longer leash to let em rip. If I rant, I don't want you to count my characters while doing so. Call it too much pressure to be clever AND succinct.

Now I post this article because I know I am supposed to do it. It's hard to get motivated though. I'm not cool. I'm not a singer or a movie star. Those are the people who make the best twitterers. People whose lives are interesting. Or people whose lives are so boring but should be comedians because they crack us up every time we read them. Someone like me however, is quite the opposite. It's not that I can't be funny. I can. But chances are, you'll never know it via twitter. well I'm just tweeting stuff about my book or writers group or an occasional random personal thing about myself thrown in for good measure. Maybe that's it: it's too contrived for me. Anytime there's a limit, or a built-in censoring, I'm already doomed.

By the standards of this article, I fail miserably. Four tweets an hour? Are there really people who do that? I'm proud of myself if I tweet a few times a week. Clearly, I'm not tweeting enough. Or, according to these statistics, at the right times. My brain turns on at night. At oh, right about dinnertime precisely when I should be slowing down like the rest of the world. But no, that's when I'm on and ready to blog, tweet, write and all things in between.

Maybe by my tweets being too short I'm forcing myself into blogg-hood, where I really let loose. The truth is I don't have that many interesting, funny, short things to say in a day or week. Everyone is doing it, even the President. Personally, I don't know what I can tell you that is very entertaining or personal and I never think I'll have hundreds or thousands of followers. Isn't that the goal? To get big numbers?

I'd be happy if I had more than my friends reading my blog. And, yeah okay maybe if I had more followers than who I'm following, that might be cool too.

Goals: I'll tweet more, complain less and well, blog more than semi-annually. We can talk about the next book later this year, okay? I've got my head full of cyberspace for now.

Wow it's been so long!

Forgive me....

Guess I should forgive myself for being a bad blogger.  You see I was frustrated about blogging.  I had little time, little patience and although I love to write and the actual act of blogging.  I kind of felt silly writing to no one and thinking no one was reading it anyway.

But here's for my sanity:  to write.  And what I always preach to my writers in my writers group:  keep writing.  So here I go with my updates.

1. I finally published my book on authorhouse.com.  I know I know you were hoping for something more?  I have been working on and talking about this book for years now.  So perhaps you thought there'd be something else?
2. There is.  I have also published 2 more articles.  Yay for the unpaid writer who is making a little teeny tiny name for herself in our local paper here.
3. I hired a publicist.  Yes, I finally cracked the wedding fund.  Ever the practical girl (or at least I'd like to think I am), I got Mom to concede.  And there goes the CD...
4. I now have 30 radio interviews lined up for May and more on the way for June.  Thanks to the very talented Donna.  
5. I have been on the board of the MHA of Monmouth County for a year now.  I haven't been much of a contributor thus far (money or energy) but my days will come when I can do both.  Right now I am attending meetings and figuring out where I can make a difference.  For now, though, I am not able to give them what I want.
6. I got a cat.  (Why include this in the list?  Why not.... it's an update right?)
7. The Red Bank Writers Group is still going for 2 years now.  This past year we've slowed down thanks to my being less present.  My attendance at all things social has slipped dramatically but am hoping to practice balance as a verb not wish on it like it's a resort destination.
8. I'm still living in the same apartment.  Oh yes, I'd love to move somewhere else.  But *sighs* writing is only lucrative for a small percentage of the population.  
9. I'm still waitressing (see #8) although I am on hiatus during my radio tour.  My family thinks I have lost my mind.  NOT earn income?  Surely, I must be off the beam.  No, I am promoting.  (Non-writers do not understand this.)
10. I am quitting smoking (yes, again.)  I did it for 3 years, I can do it again.  My lungs are begging me.
11. I am still engaged.  No wedding plans yet.  We are waiting on the book stuff to die down.
12. Have not started next book.  Hoping to do so in fall or winter.  Most likely winter when I cocoon myself in the cold Jersey winters here at the shore.

Okay that's about it for now.  I will keep you up to date.  I promise cyber space. I do like to write to you.  I do.  I just forget about you.

ttys,
wendy

Okay no excuses...summer is over

Okay...guess I'm out of excuses.

Another summer has lapsed and I'm just now proofing the galley of my first book.  I'm slightly ashamed it has taken an extra year than anticipated.  But two summers have seriously put a dent in my productivity (Okay, let's also not overlook falling in love and ALL that goes with that...et hem.)

SO anyways...
Here I am with the manuscript and I am searching the real truth behind the block.  
Is it that I can't cut the cord?  Has my first book really been that difficult?  Is perfectionism playing a part?  Is the fact that it is a memoir, my whole life, the good, bad and ugly, about to be out there for anyone to read, also a huge factor?  My guess is: "D:  All the Above."

Certainly I have come to learn through this process that cutting the cord on my first book has not been easy.  Partly because it is my first baby.  And partly because not only am I a perfectionist when it comes to my life story, but so is my editor.  Who is also my fiancee.  So you can see how many days and nights we spent choosing sex, movies, cooking meals, vacations, ANYTHING over editing the damn book.

And, unfortunately, that is what is was known in our house.  The damn book.  Because, you see, until it is in print, it is "the damn book." 

Now I know what you're saying.  'Wendy, that's not the attitude.'  It should be fun, your journey, it's your work, your story, your love.  Where has your passion gone.  Well to you I'd say "try editing your first book.  Then give it to 5 other people to edit.  Then after editing it yet again and having had read it, oh, say about 25-30 times, the passion is out the window for a while.  Unfortunately, that's where I'm at.  It's the "damn book."

But there will come a time, a time very soon, when I will be inspired again.  When I am promoting it.  Talking to other people with mental illness.  Other writers who are stuck but want to write their story or some other work for publication.  Then I will be energized once again and I can resume my journey.  It is this damn editing detour that has gotten me waylayed.  Oh, editing. Had I known it was going to be this repetitive and torturous, would I have signed up?  Perhaps not. 

Ignorance can be bliss, true.  I stand by that.  Now, it's not just for world events and politics (*which I loathe...they're 90% crooks I say), but let's add to that becoming a writer. 

I am so glad I have been ignorant in the beginning of my journey of becoming a writer.  Had I known I would become a novice web designer, pimped out self-promoter, tortured editor, reliving trauma over and over, I highly, highly doubt I would've signed up.

Then again, isn't masochism also a prerequisite?

Okay, maybe I would've.

Ciao for now. 
-Wendy

I'm ready to start my next book...but wait...gotta finish this one!

Okay...I'm ready to start DinerGirl.

Now I know what you may be thinking, but Wendy, you don't have your first book finished.  Well, that may be true, it's nearly done.  But, I have the itch to write DinerGirl (proposed title), my first novel.  I have begun the outline and am thinking about characters and plot.  When I get burned out on editing I'm Not Crazy Just Bipolar, well...I shift to my next book.

Then the other night I started thinking about my third book.  My journey of the past year that I want to explore through a separate book.  What I have learned about myself professionally and personally.  It will have a much different slant than my memoir because it will go deeper and go into falling in love for the first time.  The other times, the relationships I thought could be love.....well....this one blows them away and makes me realize they were not.  Even at the time I sensed they weren't the real deal.  But I had no idea why.  I understand why now.  And why not put those thoughts and feelings into another book?

So DinerGirl or the other book?  That's really the question on my mind these days:  which will come first.

And I'm working on articles for mental health month May.  I recently did one on "Wellness" and submitted it to the local paper.  I also revised one called:  "Sleep:  The Other Half of Medication."  It will be interesting to see which one gets published first.  And where.

Unfortunately I also have to start working somewhere.  Writers make money, but it comes in dribbles and drabs in the beginning. Until my book is on Amazon...well.....it's back to being Diner girl for real. ha ha.

I am also pleased and honored to report I was recently elected to the Board of the Mental Health Association (MHA) of Monmouth County.  It's exciting, they are a wonderful organization.  I feel strongly that they make a difference and have already impressed me with what a well run non-profit they are.  I can't wait to make a difference.  Induction is next month, appropriately their annual dinner is in May, in honor of mental health month.   Exciting, exciting, exciting!!!

Okay, back to the book.  I have to, have to, turn this book in.  Good thing I wasn't under a deadline and it was just a self-publishing venture.  Then it's on to the next!

"We will make no wine before it's time!"

Was it Gallo Wines that ran that ad?  Well whomever it was did a good job with their advertising because decades later it has come back to me as the perfect phrase!  It fits to a tee how I feel about the editing and publishing process.  Just when I think I might be done with my book, alas, I read through the manuscript and find I am, in fact. not.  And that phrase comes back to haunt me because I know it's the truth. 

I am beginning, however, to feel like a pregnant woman who is 4 weeks overdue.  I mean, I know it should be time.  I do.  However I revert back to the wine ad and I know in my heart it is not.  I want so badly to cut the cord of my first book, my memoir.  Ah, but I can't.  Not yet.  Soon. And oh how I will rejoice on that day.